Communications as a relationship builder

Are you habitually engaging in destructive body language without even realizing it? Today, we present five communications tips that will not only make you a more effective communicator, they will increase the balance in your relationship bank account.

1. Face the speaker. Don’t just turn in her general direction. Turn your shoulders so your whole body is facing her. If she is behind you, turn around.
2. Look the speaker in the eyes. Some people say they can’t do it because it’s uncomfortable. You don’t have to, of course, but don’t expect to build the relationship, either.
3. Smile. Not a rolling-on-the-floor or megawatt smile. Just a nice smile. This may be the single most important thing you can do to help ensure a successful relationship. Even if you don’t agree with what they are saying, a smile creates a bond and makes disagreeing a lot friendlier.
4. Nod your head. Even when a speaker is not looking at you, nodding sends a message that you want to have a good relationship with them. Passive or stony faces can look negative. Nod even if you disagree. Nodding shows you understand, not that you necessarily agree.
5. Take notes. We aren’t looking for a transcript of everything that was said, just the highlights. Taking notes makes a speaker feel powerful. Do you want to understand the speaker? Take notes and be able to repeat the ideas you have been given. That’s the test as to whether or not you were listening—and building the relationship.

Although these techniques might seem obvious, research shows there is a wide gap between the number of people who know about these things and the number of people who practice them. While many people think they are listening so they can better understand the speaker, what they are actually doing is putting in time until they can talk. Big difference.

So, let’s ask again: are you an effective listener? Or, are you just waiting for your turn to speak?

[This article was originally written by Adams Jette for the Office of the Superintendent of Bankruptcy newsletter Bulletin. Reprinted with permission.]